Give Your Kids the Gift of Gratitude

Shauna F. King

shaunafking@gmail.com

People realize the goodness in their lives when they live a life of gratitude. With a grateful heart, you can focus on the positive elements of your past, appreciate the gift of the present moment, and look forward to the future with positivity and hope.  

As grateful adults, we realize the value of passing on the gift of gratitude to our children. Kids who are appreciative find more value in their connections with their peers and their community and find less satisfaction in material things. Children who are less materialistic are more self-aware, driven and disciplined compared to kids raised with a sense of entitlement. It’s grateful children that grow to be contented adults who discover the truest sense of success.

Whatever age your child is, fostering gratitude in them shouldn't be forced. They will learn to be grateful through your words, your actions and your guidance. From toddler to teen, it is never too early or too late to promote gratitude in your child.

Here are my top 3 tips to guide your kids towards a life of gratitude.

1.    Lead them by example.

Be their model for expressing gratitude. Say "thank you" and "please.” Be vocal about how thankful you are for little blessings and life’s sweet surprises.

Explain to your kids why you are emailing thank you notes to all your sister’s girlfriends who helped in the success of the surprise baby shower you organized for her. Ask your daughter to help you bake cookies for the neighbor who fed her goldfish while you were out-of-town last weekend.

The good manners and acts of appreciation you teach your kids today will be the foundation on which they build a lifestyle centered on gratitude.

2.             Have them work for things they want.

When you tell your kid that he needs to earn the game or toy he wants by either saving his allowance or doing extra chores, he will learn the value of the dollar and the actual amount of work it takes.

Kids who aren’t spoiled with everything and are expected to work towards buying the things they want learn to appreciate what they already have. Having them work for the things they want gives them a realistic perspective of needs vs. wants. Your kids will start to prioritize the things they need, develop restraint, and start to make better choices.

3.             Share your day’s lows and highs.

Sit down with your child and take turns talking about something that happened that wasn’t so great followed by something awesome that happened that day. Sharing your day’s unhappy lows and joyful highs teaches kids and adults alike to always look for a silver lining.

“I was sad today because I scraped my knee playing tag during recess. But I was super happy that the nurse gave me a Band-Aid with Mario!”

Count your blessings. At some point, we will all start to see only the presence of good without seeking the absence of the bad.

How to Talk so Your Students Listen

Shauna King

In a world of increasing distractions and decreasing attention spans, it can be difficult to keep a young person’s attention. These simple tips can help you with how to talk so your students listen.

Get Their Attention First

First, get the students attention. You can't expect a student to snap to attention the moment you start speaking, especially if they are absorbed in a book or digital device. For an individual student, place your hand on their shoulder and make eye contact. If you are in a classroom, use a universal quiet signal such as a hand raise or chimes to get their attention. Give students a few minutes' warning to finish up what they were working on or to end their conversations before you begin the discussion or next task.

Focus on the Positive

As the old adage says, "You can catch more flies with honey." If you use negative phrases such as "don't run" or "stop talking to your neighbor," you only criticize the student and fail to instruct what to do in place of the undesirable behavior. Use more positive language such as "walk please" or "please finish your assignment quietly" so the student knows what to do instead.

Repeat After Me

Lectures are easily tuned out, especially when a student is used to hearing lectures from you. Ask the student to repeat any directions you give before working on a task. The student will soon learn to pay more attention if they know you will ask them to repeat what you said.

Be Realistic

Be realistic about the developmental stage of your students.  The brains of our students are growing, yet still underdeveloped.  The frontal lobe of the brain is the area that operates planning, impulse control, goal setting and time management. Surprisingly, this area of the brain is not fully developed until the mid-twenties! Be patient. Students of all ages need reminders and guidance to complete tasks. If you are a teacher, you serve as a "surrogate frontal lobe" for your student.

If you treat your students with respect, have patience and are mindful of their developmental milestones, you will be able to talk so students listen.

The Dynamics of the Parent-Teacher Relationship

Shauna F. King

Topic of the Month: Parent/Teacher Relationships

Parent-teacher relationships are riddled with conflicting views, misunderstanding, and lack of communication. As educators, we not only encounter challenging students, but we confront difficult parents. Teachers sigh with relief when they have a problematic student whose parents are more than willing to partner with them because this means that they have an ally on the home-front who wants to see that child succeed just as much or even more than they do.  

But what if your demanding student has equally demanding parents? Every year, educators deal with that defensive mom, the uncooperative dad, a parent who is too involved or the absent guardian.  

When you confront parents with your concerns about their child’s performance or behavior, they may react any number of ways. Some parents may feel insulted or even, embarrassed. Another parent will likely make excuses for their child. And then there is that one parent who will blame you for not being a good enough educator or authority figure.

As a teacher, you may think that your only job is to educate the children. But to progress, we must sympathize and establish a connection with the parents of even our most problematic students. Ask yourself:

What kind of parent am I dealing with?

If the parent appears defensive and makes excuses for their child, focus on the student’s positive attributes and ask the parent for their opinion on how to address the issue. If the parent appears distracted, politely ask if they prefer to meet at a more convenient time for them. Chances are they will be embarrassed that you noticed and take the meeting more seriously, or they may open up that they are late for one of the multiple jobs they hold. Either way, you will have an idea of your student’s home life and how this affects their performance in school.

Remember your training as an educator. Choosing to proceed with caution or avoiding certain triggers may make all the difference in establishing an empathetic relationship with your student’s parent.

Will they agree to set boundaries?

Educators often find themselves playing multiple roles in their students’ lives. But just as a parent can be a teacher to their kids, a teacher can also nurture their students. When addressing the academic or behavioral issues of a challenging student, parents and teachers need to know when they have stepped into each other's territories.

Teachers need to remind parents that there are limits to what they can do for their child. They can’t ensure their student is getting enough sleep, eating a full breakfast before coming to school or monitor their study habits.

Are they willing to partner with me?

There’s a very slim chance that any parent is rooting for their child to fail. Unfortunately, some parents are failing to root for their child.

Make the parents see that you are using your education and training to help their child reach your mutual goals. Let the parents see that you care for their kids and you care about them. Assure them that you are willing to work with them to resolve the issues that their child is facing in school. Help the parents of your students realize the critical roles they play in encouraging their kids to become better students.

Why Building a Relationship with Your Child’s Teacher Is Critical

Shauna F. King

Topic of the Month: Parent/Teacher Relationships

Do you find yourself hesitant to build a relationship with your child’s teachers? Do you worry that they’re far too busy to communicate with you? Do you suspect that they might not appreciate you looking over their shoulder judging their teaching style? Do you assume that they avoid parents in general, so they don’t need to address issues on favoritism or biases?

These misconceptions may lead you to lose the opportunity of fostering a partnership with your child’s teachers. It would be a shame to miss out on building a positive relationship with the person who wants to see your child succeed just as much as you do.

Your level of involvement in your child’s school and connection to their children may determine your child’s success. Studies have shown that kids whose parents maintained strong ties with their school had better attendance, improved behavior and a positive attitude about school in general.

Introduce yourself and make a connection.

Teachers often won’t make contact with parents early in the school year unless it is urgent. Unfortunately, this may mean bad behavior or a cause for concern in your child’s progress. Either way, you don’t want this to be the first time you and child’s teacher meet.

Attend the school opening night or accompany your child on the first day of school. Introduce yourself with a warm smile and a handshake. Ask how you can keep in touch. Provide them with multiple ways to contact you that might include your mobile number, email address, and home number.

Respect your child’s teacher and work together.

Do not neglect the fact that the most influential people in any child’s life, next to their parents, are their teachers.

Your child’s teacher's teaching style may be different from your parenting style. But just as your child did not choose their parents, you probably also cannot choose their teachers. Respect that your child’s teacher was educated, trained and certified to teach your child. When it comes to your kid’s education, you are not the professional.

Work with your child’s teacher by not questioning their teaching style or demanding that they adjust to your kid’s learning capacity. If your child is having difficulty catching up, ask your child’s teacher for their advice on how you can help.

Maintain the connection by staying involved.

There are numerous school events throughout the school year that gives you the opportunity to support your child’s school and your community.

Volunteer to chaperone on a class trip. Donate supplies for a fundraising or prizes for the school fair. Don’t hesitate to ask your teacher how you can help. Teachers are always happy to see how involved their students’ parents can get in participating in school activities.

Show gratitude whenever you get the chance.

Teachers usually go through their days with minimal interaction with other adults. Without a doubt, teachers love the warm hugs that their students give them in gratitude for a fun day of learning. But another adult’s, particularly their students’ parents’ acknowledgment of their efforts gives teachers a heightened sense of accomplishment.

Thanking your child’s teacher for their contributions when you get a chance is a wonderful way to motivate them.