The Dynamics of the Parent-Teacher Relationship

Shauna F. King

Topic of the Month: Parent/Teacher Relationships

Parent-teacher relationships are riddled with conflicting views, misunderstanding, and lack of communication. As educators, we not only encounter challenging students, but we confront difficult parents. Teachers sigh with relief when they have a problematic student whose parents are more than willing to partner with them because this means that they have an ally on the home-front who wants to see that child succeed just as much or even more than they do.  

But what if your demanding student has equally demanding parents? Every year, educators deal with that defensive mom, the uncooperative dad, a parent who is too involved or the absent guardian.  

When you confront parents with your concerns about their child’s performance or behavior, they may react any number of ways. Some parents may feel insulted or even, embarrassed. Another parent will likely make excuses for their child. And then there is that one parent who will blame you for not being a good enough educator or authority figure.

As a teacher, you may think that your only job is to educate the children. But to progress, we must sympathize and establish a connection with the parents of even our most problematic students. Ask yourself:

What kind of parent am I dealing with?

If the parent appears defensive and makes excuses for their child, focus on the student’s positive attributes and ask the parent for their opinion on how to address the issue. If the parent appears distracted, politely ask if they prefer to meet at a more convenient time for them. Chances are they will be embarrassed that you noticed and take the meeting more seriously, or they may open up that they are late for one of the multiple jobs they hold. Either way, you will have an idea of your student’s home life and how this affects their performance in school.

Remember your training as an educator. Choosing to proceed with caution or avoiding certain triggers may make all the difference in establishing an empathetic relationship with your student’s parent.

Will they agree to set boundaries?

Educators often find themselves playing multiple roles in their students’ lives. But just as a parent can be a teacher to their kids, a teacher can also nurture their students. When addressing the academic or behavioral issues of a challenging student, parents and teachers need to know when they have stepped into each other's territories.

Teachers need to remind parents that there are limits to what they can do for their child. They can’t ensure their student is getting enough sleep, eating a full breakfast before coming to school or monitor their study habits.

Are they willing to partner with me?

There’s a very slim chance that any parent is rooting for their child to fail. Unfortunately, some parents are failing to root for their child.

Make the parents see that you are using your education and training to help their child reach your mutual goals. Let the parents see that you care for their kids and you care about them. Assure them that you are willing to work with them to resolve the issues that their child is facing in school. Help the parents of your students realize the critical roles they play in encouraging their kids to become better students.