My Best Advice for Parents

My Best Advice for Parents

September 2016

Shauna King

Mom, Educator, Speaker

“Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.- James Baldwin

Children learn by copying. Language, gestures and emotions are all mimicked. Even a playground fall can generate a response in the injured child that is similar to the reaction from the observing parent: calm begets calm. Wise parents can use this regular child observation to work on self-esteem building through encouragement and positive talk. Children are always listening, so give them something worth hearing.

Model Gratitude

Gratitude is not only connected to life satisfaction, but also to well-being and success. As parents we can teach children to be grateful by helping them recognize the positive things in their lives, and also by allowing them to express their own gratitude. Time spent in conversations about appreciation provides bonding and connecting time for children and their families, and improves their outlook on life.

Express Pride

Children thrive and blossom when they feel like their parents are proud of them. All of us remember the excitement of sharing a good grade or a certificate of achievement.  Praising effort is key since it fosters resilience: kids who are rewarded for trying will continue to do so, whereas those who are praised only for accomplishments may think their parents will only be proud when they do well and may not try if they fear a task is too difficult. Our praise should be authentic to be meaningful rather than over abundant.

Teach Positive Self Talk

Everyone has occasional challenges, and children are no exception. It’s how we handle our inner dialogue in relation to hurdles that determines our chances of getting through them. Teaching positive self-talk involves identifying if the thoughts are true and reframing them. For example, a child who has failed a math quiz might be thinking “I’m bad at math.” While he might not have mastered a particular math skill yet, this negative self-talk can be reframed as “I’m still learning my multiplication tables.” Not only does this remove the negative aspect, it also provides impetus for continued effort.

Share Daily Reflections

Looking back on each day gives us a chance to remind children of the happy moments they’ve experienced. Even if the day did not go as hoped, talking about what happened not only validates the child’s feelings about her experience but also gives us an opportunity to teach proactive response strategies by asking “what can you do next time to make things better?” Conversations like these set the stage for future collaborative problem solving: it creates a climate in which the child feels safe asking for help.