The Dynamics of the Parent-Teacher Relationship

Shauna F. King

Topic of the Month: Parent/Teacher Relationships

Parent-teacher relationships are riddled with conflicting views, misunderstanding, and lack of communication. As educators, we not only encounter challenging students, but we confront difficult parents. Teachers sigh with relief when they have a problematic student whose parents are more than willing to partner with them because this means that they have an ally on the home-front who wants to see that child succeed just as much or even more than they do.  

But what if your demanding student has equally demanding parents? Every year, educators deal with that defensive mom, the uncooperative dad, a parent who is too involved or the absent guardian.  

When you confront parents with your concerns about their child’s performance or behavior, they may react any number of ways. Some parents may feel insulted or even, embarrassed. Another parent will likely make excuses for their child. And then there is that one parent who will blame you for not being a good enough educator or authority figure.

As a teacher, you may think that your only job is to educate the children. But to progress, we must sympathize and establish a connection with the parents of even our most problematic students. Ask yourself:

What kind of parent am I dealing with?

If the parent appears defensive and makes excuses for their child, focus on the student’s positive attributes and ask the parent for their opinion on how to address the issue. If the parent appears distracted, politely ask if they prefer to meet at a more convenient time for them. Chances are they will be embarrassed that you noticed and take the meeting more seriously, or they may open up that they are late for one of the multiple jobs they hold. Either way, you will have an idea of your student’s home life and how this affects their performance in school.

Remember your training as an educator. Choosing to proceed with caution or avoiding certain triggers may make all the difference in establishing an empathetic relationship with your student’s parent.

Will they agree to set boundaries?

Educators often find themselves playing multiple roles in their students’ lives. But just as a parent can be a teacher to their kids, a teacher can also nurture their students. When addressing the academic or behavioral issues of a challenging student, parents and teachers need to know when they have stepped into each other's territories.

Teachers need to remind parents that there are limits to what they can do for their child. They can’t ensure their student is getting enough sleep, eating a full breakfast before coming to school or monitor their study habits.

Are they willing to partner with me?

There’s a very slim chance that any parent is rooting for their child to fail. Unfortunately, some parents are failing to root for their child.

Make the parents see that you are using your education and training to help their child reach your mutual goals. Let the parents see that you care for their kids and you care about them. Assure them that you are willing to work with them to resolve the issues that their child is facing in school. Help the parents of your students realize the critical roles they play in encouraging their kids to become better students.

Why Building a Relationship with Your Child’s Teacher Is Critical

Shauna F. King

Topic of the Month: Parent/Teacher Relationships

Do you find yourself hesitant to build a relationship with your child’s teachers? Do you worry that they’re far too busy to communicate with you? Do you suspect that they might not appreciate you looking over their shoulder judging their teaching style? Do you assume that they avoid parents in general, so they don’t need to address issues on favoritism or biases?

These misconceptions may lead you to lose the opportunity of fostering a partnership with your child’s teachers. It would be a shame to miss out on building a positive relationship with the person who wants to see your child succeed just as much as you do.

Your level of involvement in your child’s school and connection to their children may determine your child’s success. Studies have shown that kids whose parents maintained strong ties with their school had better attendance, improved behavior and a positive attitude about school in general.

Introduce yourself and make a connection.

Teachers often won’t make contact with parents early in the school year unless it is urgent. Unfortunately, this may mean bad behavior or a cause for concern in your child’s progress. Either way, you don’t want this to be the first time you and child’s teacher meet.

Attend the school opening night or accompany your child on the first day of school. Introduce yourself with a warm smile and a handshake. Ask how you can keep in touch. Provide them with multiple ways to contact you that might include your mobile number, email address, and home number.

Respect your child’s teacher and work together.

Do not neglect the fact that the most influential people in any child’s life, next to their parents, are their teachers.

Your child’s teacher's teaching style may be different from your parenting style. But just as your child did not choose their parents, you probably also cannot choose their teachers. Respect that your child’s teacher was educated, trained and certified to teach your child. When it comes to your kid’s education, you are not the professional.

Work with your child’s teacher by not questioning their teaching style or demanding that they adjust to your kid’s learning capacity. If your child is having difficulty catching up, ask your child’s teacher for their advice on how you can help.

Maintain the connection by staying involved.

There are numerous school events throughout the school year that gives you the opportunity to support your child’s school and your community.

Volunteer to chaperone on a class trip. Donate supplies for a fundraising or prizes for the school fair. Don’t hesitate to ask your teacher how you can help. Teachers are always happy to see how involved their students’ parents can get in participating in school activities.

Show gratitude whenever you get the chance.

Teachers usually go through their days with minimal interaction with other adults. Without a doubt, teachers love the warm hugs that their students give them in gratitude for a fun day of learning. But another adult’s, particularly their students’ parents’ acknowledgment of their efforts gives teachers a heightened sense of accomplishment.

Thanking your child’s teacher for their contributions when you get a chance is a wonderful way to motivate them.

A Conversation with Shauna King

My Best Advice for Parents

My Best Advice for Parents

September 2016

Shauna King

Mom, Educator, Speaker

“Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.- James Baldwin

Children learn by copying. Language, gestures and emotions are all mimicked. Even a playground fall can generate a response in the injured child that is similar to the reaction from the observing parent: calm begets calm. Wise parents can use this regular child observation to work on self-esteem building through encouragement and positive talk. Children are always listening, so give them something worth hearing.

Model Gratitude

Gratitude is not only connected to life satisfaction, but also to well-being and success. As parents we can teach children to be grateful by helping them recognize the positive things in their lives, and also by allowing them to express their own gratitude. Time spent in conversations about appreciation provides bonding and connecting time for children and their families, and improves their outlook on life.

Express Pride

Children thrive and blossom when they feel like their parents are proud of them. All of us remember the excitement of sharing a good grade or a certificate of achievement.  Praising effort is key since it fosters resilience: kids who are rewarded for trying will continue to do so, whereas those who are praised only for accomplishments may think their parents will only be proud when they do well and may not try if they fear a task is too difficult. Our praise should be authentic to be meaningful rather than over abundant.

Teach Positive Self Talk

Everyone has occasional challenges, and children are no exception. It’s how we handle our inner dialogue in relation to hurdles that determines our chances of getting through them. Teaching positive self-talk involves identifying if the thoughts are true and reframing them. For example, a child who has failed a math quiz might be thinking “I’m bad at math.” While he might not have mastered a particular math skill yet, this negative self-talk can be reframed as “I’m still learning my multiplication tables.” Not only does this remove the negative aspect, it also provides impetus for continued effort.

Share Daily Reflections

Looking back on each day gives us a chance to remind children of the happy moments they’ve experienced. Even if the day did not go as hoped, talking about what happened not only validates the child’s feelings about her experience but also gives us an opportunity to teach proactive response strategies by asking “what can you do next time to make things better?” Conversations like these set the stage for future collaborative problem solving: it creates a climate in which the child feels safe asking for help.

Shauna King- PBIS, Cooperative Discipline and Student Engagement Workshops

King Professional Development provides consultation services and professional development to school leaders and practitioners to increase their capacity to create safe and orderly learning environments. 

King PDS provides on-site coaching, training, and professional development. We work with schools to provide practical strategies that support students and teachers. Our school culture and climate evaluations will provide you with an honest and open assessment of how your school or school system is viewed by teachers, administration, students and parents.